Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It’s still here.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

What is the most memorable thing that happened in your college days?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

How did Neo defeat the architect at the end of The Matrix: Reloaded? Was it solely due to his belief in himself or were there other factors at play?

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Why is Nickelback known to be a bad band?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Be who you already are.

Are today’s baseball pitchers faster than a few years ago, or is it that radar guns have improved and get the pitch speed as it is released rather than as it reaches the plate?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s here now, writing to you.

I'm British and feel ashamed of the crimes of British colonialism. What should I do?

And the sadness?

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

You are like me, then.

What is your biggest mistake or regret?

The sadness was still there.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

I was tired of fighting.

What would you change in the "Game of Thrones" storyline if you were one of the writers of the TV series?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

I was tired of trying and failing.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Why do men like to suck another man’s dick?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

I had run out of hope.

What is the scariest thing that ever happened in your life?

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.